Jim and Kathryn Greene (front) with their grandchildren (from left): Charlotte, Adam, Claire and Ellen.
For many, the holidays can be jam-packed with parties and concerts, shopping and baking, wrapping and hiding, rushing and wishing.
For Memory Cafe participants Jim and Kathryn Greene, it’s also the season for their wedding anniversary. The couple celebrates 55 years on December 23, and aside from the regular rush of the season, they’re doing something else pretty special this year.
“We’re not looking back,” Jim said.
Kathryn, 77, was diagnosed with early-stage memory loss in 2022, a condition that sometimes leads to Alzheimer’s or other dementia types. Since then, instead of dwelling on the things they cannot change—the weather, politics, changing minds—the couple has spent time mapping out the next years of their lives.
“We knew we wanted to be closer to family,” Kathryn said, which prompted them to move from Grand Forks, ND, to Fargo earlier this year.
“We also wanted to be closer to Memory Cafe,” Jim said, adding that he doesn’t typically jump into things like moving out of town after 46 years of living in the same home. “But from the first time we went, we knew this was the place.”
Since its founding in 2017, Memory Cafe of the Red River Valley has served thousands of area individuals and families living with memory loss, underscoring the vital importance of community support programs that fulfill a growing need for friendship and connection.
The kind of friendship and connection Jim and Kathryn have found.
“We quickly got to know each other as individuals,” Kathryn said. “But then we got to know each other as friends.”
Kathryn poses next to a crop of “surprise” sunflowers in her Grand Forks garden.
Finding Memory Cafe
Although a memory concern is never welcome news, early diagnosis is critical so that families can adjust to new normals and plan for a safe and happy future. So when Kathryn noticed changes to how her brain was working back in 2022, the family sought answers.
“I wasn’t remembering things like I used to,” Kathryn, a former piano teacher, daycare provider and stay-at-home mom, said. “I was mixing spices up when I was cooking or forgetting if I added things to my recipes. Little things.”
During that time, adult daughter Karina supported the family by researching doctors and specialists in the area, and finding local programs geared towards people living with cognitive concerns.
“We just knew we didn’t want Mom or Dad to have to worry about having the resources nearby and people who are also going through everything they’re going through,” Karina said.
When she discovered Memory Cafe, she encouraged her parents to check it out.
“They were living in Grand Forks at the time, but I wanted them to just try the Memory Cafe in Fargo because I’d heard such good things,” Karina said.
Kathryn with daughters Amy, left, and Karina, right.
Welcoming activities, professional support, forever friendships
Memory Cafe of the Red River Valley is unique in that its programs and services are managed by a team with decades of experience in elder care.
Programs serve individuals and care partners with weekly support groups, exercise classes led by certified fitness instructors, community education sessions, and even a dementia-friendly chorus.
“I was hoping Mom would like some of the activities. What I didn’t know is how much Dad would love it, too,” Karina added.
For Jim, it’s the weekly men’s group.
“Those guys just get it,” Jim said matter-of-factly. “We don’t always have everything in common. Some people are older, some are younger. Some have had their loved ones pass but they still come and get something out of the group. What we always have in common is that we listen. We listen to each other.”
Being seen and heard makes all the difference for Kathryn, too. She’s been attending The Gathering, a support group for individuals navigating early-stage memory concerns.
“The interactions we have with each other along with the support of facilitators has been such a wonderful aspect of this whole thing,” Kathryn said, taking note of how much the group has grown since she and Jim started attending several months ago. “We started by meeting in a church library, but we grew and were all of a sudden sitting in a room with chairs upon chairs!”
An accomplished pianist, Kathryn spent her working years raising her children, providing daycare to other families, and teaching piano lessons. She was also the piano organist at Trinity Free Lutheran Church of Grand Forks for decades.
These days, though, Kathryn’s a regular attendee of Monday Movement and Motivation group fitness class with Coach Jake Haile of Crossfit Fargo.
“He sets a high standard,” she said, recalling the time she pumped iron next to a 6-foot-11-inch-tall football player from North Dakota State University. “You’re really encouraged to just go for it.”
A cardboard cutout image of Jim and Kathryn on their 55th wedding anniversary December 23, 2020.
Making the most of it
As the couple adjusts to life in their new bright, airy townhome in south Fargo, Jim and Kathryn are also making plans for the holidays—and their upcoming 55th wedding anniversary.
“We didn’t get to do a good 50th because of COVID,” Jim said of 2020 when they hosted a small party in their garage featuring a cardboard cutout of the happy couple. “But we did make the most of it.”
Now, with more space than they had in their house in Grand Forks, the Greenes are excited to welcome family and friends over Christmas to share in the blessings of the season. There are plans to roast a Barron of Beef or a standing Rib Roast on the grill and get out the extra table slats to accommodate.
“We’ve got nine family members in town here, including four grandkids,” Jim said. “And it’s great to be around family now, but it’s also great to be near Memory Cafe.”
Kathryn nods her head as if to say it’s all part of the goal of not looking back.
“We both left behind some things,” Kathryn said. “Our life has been full of commotion. We’re ready to settle in. Bit by bit.”
The entire clan. Jim and Kathryn Greene’s family. From left: Charlotte, Ellen, Adam, Nathan, Amy, Kathryn, Jim, Kevin, Karina and Claire.
Thank you for sharing the Greene’s story. We love Katherine’s participation and feel so fortunate to have her join us each week.